


Asterix at the Olympic Games

by StarLynnder



Category: Asterix - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23396197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarLynnder/pseuds/StarLynnder
Kudos: 3





	1. The Gaulish Village

50BC, Gaul, Afternoon — The Gaulish Village

I bought this scroll of papyrus from the market in the village today. It’s a special bundle of papyrus binded in a fancy way that made it look more like a book than a scroll. I told Obelix and Getafix that I’m going to start keeping a journal. Obelix doesn’t get the point of writing things down as opposed to just keeping things in our heads; while Getafix just laughed in good humour and told me that in Gaulish tradition, everything — news, knowledge, stories, legends, lessons…… — are passed down by word of mouth rather than in writing.

Well, the druid is right, but what is the point of learning how to write in school (or to carve in stone) when you don’t use the skill(s) at all in real life? Carving in stone takes a lot of time, I admit. So I rather write on classic papyrus. Plus, it’s the only thing that was remotely interesting at the market, aside from the usual stock of boars and roman helmets. Also, the papyrus was also at a discount price as nobody else wanted to buy papyrus and write in them (except maybe Cacofonix, our “renowned” composer). So I had to buy it! It was a great day.

Poor Obelix isn’t very good at reading let alone writing. He doesn’t really know his numbers either and wasn’t the brightest kid back in school. But it’s okay. If there’s anything legendary enough worth writing down from his side, I will write it down for him. Until the day he decides to pick up a quill and learn how to write properly then we can both write about our adventures together.

Well, I’m not going to go on too long about myself or about today but let me just explain what legendary means: worthy of being written down. I just KNOW that my life, my stories, and my adventures with Obelix (and Dogmatix!) are going to be LEGENDARY if I just bother to write them down. The main difference between a normal memory or experience and a legendary one is that the legendary one is written down. So write them down, I will! Haha!

Asterix.


	2. Boar-Collecting

50BC, Gaul, Morning — Boar-Collecting

Obelix and I went boar-hunting today. Boar-hunting is so normal and common and necessary an activity for us Gauls that I would hardly consider it “legendary”. But today while hunting in the forest we came across something curious enough to be written down. Here’s what happened:

So I was telling Obelix the story about Lovestorix, the Gaul who went all the way to Olympia, Greece, to win the heart of a Princess Irina whom he was madly in love with. Princess Irina was set to marry Brutus, the son of Caesar, and Lovestorix didn’t like that. He blurted out how he would win the sacred Olympic Games to stop the marriage and prove his worth to her. Irina liked the idea and decided to give him a chance. But Lovestorix then learned that only Greeks and Romans could compete in the games so the poor guy returned home broken-hearted.

“Poor Lovestorix,” Obelix said. So I said “Oh, boy meets girl stuff. It always gets messy, you know,” and we got started on our boar-hunting. Obelix wanted to find V boars for breakfast — II for me, II for him and I for Dogmatix. I told him we need only about half but he interjected and insisted that a walk in the park always works up an appetite so V boars it is. Okay, okay. Whatever his appetite says. 

I drank some magic potion and went into the forest with him. We found and bashed V boars frolicking around eventually and got ready to go home for lunch. But as soon as we began making our way out of the forest a Roman ran past us. A strange Roman, he was. He looked like he was being chased by someone and he didn’t bother to say hi while running past us. Weirdest of all was that he kept dropping this strange smoky stuff behind him. Obelix and I caught up with him and we lectured him a little — we told him how his behaviour would scare off the boars and things like that.

We then ran ahead of him. The Roman stopped, and from afar we heard him grumble to himself something about being caught up with, easy as pie. He then said something about being the greatest at javelin and pulled out a thin twig of tree and threw it in our direction without seeing us. The twig hit Obelix in the back of his head (ouch! But luckily a permanent effect of the magic potion kept him on his feet). Obelix then, to hit back, pulled a fully-grown tree out of its roots (Dogmatix hates it whenever he does that) and threw it at the Roman. It landed square on the Roman, who fainted, and we went back home, carrying our boars with us. Then Obelix told me about a strange dream he had last night. I can’t remember how most of it went, but I remember Obelix saying how he didn’t want to bash Romans anymore. Talk about your night sweats!

We went to tell Getafix what we saw after dinner. Getafix was not quite himself tonight. He seemed to have…… lost a pound or two and seemed as flat as…… “As a papyrus!” And we all saw Sam Schieffer standing at the entrance of Getafix hut. Yep, Getafix seemed as flat as the very papyrus I am writing on now and looked more like a drawing than a person. What on Earth is going on, by Toutatis?

Sam Schieffer came in and started babbling about how Getafix “is a victim of an evil that threatens us all” and how “the future isn’t rosy”. Getafix, despite his appearance, remained his usual composed, venerable manner and told Sam to calm down and tell us what’s happening. So Sam told the story: he was off on a mission in Olympia, Greece, where the sacred games are being held. And there he discovered an evil wizard named Doctormabus with a key that can access “parallel worlds” — worlds that look like ours but are different. 

I asked if it was dangerous to access different world to different world like that. Getafix said yes, it’s VERY dangerous because there exists an infinity of worlds similar to our own, and it's never too smart to mess with the key connecting other dimensions as it’s generally a recipe for catastrophe and mayhem. I told Getafic he looked like the living proof of it — on papyrus. Sam said he didn’t know what Doctormabus is up to, but if he continues prodding and poking with his little key “the future isn’t rosy” again.

Obelix then had an idea. We can all go to Olympia and say we’re competing in the Olympic Games and help poor Lovestorix. I reminded Obelix that only Greeks and Romans can compete in the games. But Sam Schieffer spoke up and said we are technically Romans — no offense — since Caesar conquered Gaul. “What? Me, Roman? Pull the other one!” was Obelix’s reaction. And Getafix said it’s better to be Gaulish in name than Roman on papyrus. So that means we Gauls can compete in the games after all!

We’re going to set off tomorrow morning for Olympia. I’ve done my packing. We are going to call ourselves the Gallo-Roman team. The first thing I’m going to do tomorrow is tell Lovestorix the good news. That’ll boost his morale and increase his and our chances of winning the sacred Olympic Games.

Asterix.


	3. A Month's Journey To Olympia

50BC, The Roman Empire — a Month’s Journey to Olympia

Lovestorix was certainly very happy when we broke the news to him. He was practically bursting with joy, now that he knows that he, too, can compete in the Olympic Games and stand a chance to win Princess Irina’s hand in marriage. “You’ll see, we’ll win these games hands down!” he cheered us on as we left the village.

We set off for Olympia after breakfast immediately, after saying goodbye to everyone. Cacofonix, as usual, wanted to sing us an Olympic hymn he had composed to inspire our courage but as usual, too, that idea didn’t go down so well with the rest of the Gauls. So we set off from the village. We planned to go by land most of the time. We will leave the country and cross numerous Roman-occupied territories including Germania and Italia, and then cross the Mare Tyrrhenum and over to Greece and then Olympia.

We’re in Rome now. And I must say that the excitement surrounding the Olympic Games is quite mounting here in the heart of the Empire. I’ve managed to learn that the Roman we bumped into in the forest when we were boar-hunting is called Gluteus Maximus and he’s a legionary who was chosen to participate and represent Rome in the Olympic Games. Fancy meeting you, my “fellow countryman” O Roman, while you were training in Gaul, Gluteus! Let’s see you in Olympia and see how far of an athlete those exercises and regimes have made you!

Asterix.


	4. Outside the Olympic Village

50BC, Olympia, Morning — Outside the Olympic Village

We have arrived in Olympia, the “jewel of Greek civilisation”, as Getafix called it. Sam Schieffer decided to fly solo from this point onwards in his signature stealthy manner. So Me, Obelix, Dogmatix, our druid and Lovestorix approached the entrance. A Greek official ran up to us and halted us, saying visitors are not allowed through this entrance.

Obelix and I made the introductions. “We’re not visitors,” I said. “We’re Gallo-Roman athletes, we are!” Obelix said. “Maybe you need more proof?” And he began stretching forward and backwards as far as he could stretch. The official then told us we need to get a Gaul-Comers certificate of Gaulishness, and that we also need to pass an aptitude test. Knowing Obelix, he would rather get the formalities out of the way first then jump into action. So we went and took care of that certificate first.

The official in charge of the certificate wouldn’t let us have one unless we were to “accidentally” break open the pigeon cages that Brutus had ordered to be locked up (speaking of Brutus, he will be Lovestorix’s rival in the games). We freed 10 pigeons and while doing that, I collected some Magnesia powder and learned how to climb up bars on walls. Obelix and I also fought a couple of Romans. Easy-peasy!

Then we went for the aptitude tests. It was fairly simple. There were III rooms. In the first room we had to clear ourselves a path to the door opposite. We smashed and bashed all the boxes and stuff blocking the doorway easily. When you ask us Gauls to show our strength, we’ll happily show it to you! In the second room, I got into a cable car and Obelix pulled it from underneath (finesse, Obelix. Finesse). Then I jumped onto a platform and pulled down a bar and opened the door to the third and last room. In the final room, we had to activate all III slabs in the ground at once! With our wits about us, we pushed a stone block and lifted it up, and piled it onto a platform and onto the first slab. Then Obelix and I went and stood on the second and third slabs respectively. The door opened and we successfully completed our aptitude test.

We were eventually granted access to the Olympic Village. We reported to the front entrance. I can’t wait to see what it’s like inside. Maybe we’ll have a place to pitch our tent, store our belongings, and then go have a bite to eat……

Asterix.


	5. Inside the Olympic Village

50BC, Olympia, Afternoon — Inside the Olympic Village

We saw Brutus, son of Caesar, kicking at some poor Greek chap for DARING to ask him for accreditation to enter the village. “Do you know who I am?!” Brutus kept screaming. I pity Princess Irina if she ends up marrying that sorry fellow. Our Lovestorix would make a better husband for her. Now we just have to help whip him into shape to become a better athlete than his rival, he who has all the charm of a boar……

We bumped into Sam Schieffer. Flying solo aside, he still had some vital information and tips for us. He had managed to figure out where Doctormabus’ lair is — behind the III red cypress trees in the distance. To get there, Sam told us that we must pass through a big gate. “Is that all? Let’s go!” said Obelix, eager to knock it down. “No!” Sam said, and told us if we knock the gate down we’ll be instantly banished from the games — disqualified! Instead, we had to light III torches over the gate to make it open, and the only way to light them is to win all III Olympic Events in the Eliminatory Rounds.

“Obelix, I get the impression that things are hotting up,” I told my friend. The Eliminatory Rounds — it consists of only III not-too-difficult events: the Long Jump, the Foot Race and the Tug-of-War. Here is how I found each of them:

The Long Jump was hard. I haven’t pulled off a combo in the air in a very, very, very long time. I didn’t drink any magic potion before the event started because I wanted to see if I could still do it without the potion. And I did it without the potion! Hahaha! Thankfully, I could.

Winning the first event gave me a boost of confidence. So I participated in the second event, the Foot Race, without magic potion either. My opponent managed to get a false start penalty, so that gave me an edge. When the whistle blew I ran as fast as I could, and came in first. I also had my photo taken as I touched the finish line. Came out pretty well, I say!

The Tug-of-War is the simplest of the III — all I had to do was pull the rope and send your opponent into the mud in the centre of the field. Again, without the potion, I sent my Gothic-Roman friend into the mud pit and I felt like a champion! At last, the third torch was lit!

Obelix and I had to make a few adjustments before all III torches were lit properly. We went back outside the Olympic Village, I climbed up the walls to a platform, and pointed a mirror in the right direction. It reflected the light to another mirror which reflected it to somewhere off in the distance but I couldn’t see where. We then went back inside the village to move the second mirror.

As we passed the athletes’ tents on the way to the cable car which will take us to the second mirror, we heard Lovestorix scream for help. Some Romans were attacking his chariot!one of them even tried to swing his weapon at Lovestorix. Obelix, Dogmatix and I ran to help, but a gate went up and we were blocked from entering and helping our friend. Some more Romans approached us. There was a target to the right of the gate. We filled up the target by throwing as many Romans as needed into it and the gate went down. Before those Romans could take another swipe at our poor defenseless friend or his chariot, I smacked them good and K.O.ed them. Lovestorix said he was alright but his chariot’s a mess. I figured that the Romans are under the orders of Mr. No-Sportsmanship Brutus to prevent Lovestorix from participating in the chariot race and marrying Princess Irina. “Worry not, Lovestorix,” I told him. “Mend your chariot. Obelix and I will handle the rest.”

I climbed into the cable car and Obelix pulled. I landed next to the second mirror and pointed it in the right direction. The second torch was lit! We headed over to the big gate and came across a music box that (ow, my ears!) played music worse than our bard back home. We played the musical sequence to end the cacophony (no offense, Cacofonix) by hitting the Roman of the same colour as each note we had to play, in order of the sequence. The music box then self-destructed and it was blessed silence once more. 

We then pushed a big block of stone next to a building to some bars, climbed up some walls, got onto the stone, and climbed the few more bars. I aimed the third mirror to the third torch and tadah! All III torches were lit and the big gate finally opened.

We then met Sam Schieffer again at the crossroads. He warned us of Centurion Silencus. If he spots us, we must neutralise him IMMEDIATELY or Romans will come out from everywhere and have us surrounded. Well, we silenced him, alright — Silencus AND his Romans. Nothing like a little sport to act as some warm-up between the games to keep us on our toes. We then made our way to the III red cypress trees.

Asterix.


	6. The Three Red Cypress Trees

50BC, Olympia, Afternoon — The Three Red Cypress Trees

We were outside Doctormabus’ lair. A few Romans were scurrying about the area (I let Obelix take care of them, no sweat). There were also two targets made of hay and stone that emerged from the ground. It looked like we had to kick something into the targets. But what? I must find out.

While Obelix waited for me below, I followed Dogmatix up a cliff. The poor Greek athletes that were training there were stuck onto some really large orange balls and were rolling down hill speedily. I had to follow Dogmatix’s path and barking to avoid getting hit by the giant balls on the way up. Very dangerous place, I must say, if they’re gonna be training like that throughout the games.

I finally made it to the top. I saw a toad standing on a toadball dispenser and hit it (cost me V Roman Helmets per hit). A toadball came out and I kicked it down to Obelix over the cliff. Obelix then kicked the ball into the target. We repeated this a few times until both targets were nice and full (and Obelix whipped a few more Romans good. I was getting a little envious. With me uphill and Obelix down there he was hogging all the fun!), and the door to Doctormabus’ lair opened.

Asterix.


	7. The Lair of Doctormabus

50BC, Olympia, Evening — The Lair of Doctormabus

It was dark and musty in the lair. That smoky stuff that Gluteus Maximus dropped all over our forest was everywhere in clumps of thick, dark, blackish-purple. I really don’t envy a man who can live in such a place undisturbed and unbothered by all of it. I warned Obelix and Dogmatix not to touch the smoky stuff. It could be dangerous.

We bashed up some Romans and threw them at targets according to their colour. A slab became activatable and Obelix went and stood on it. A bar came out from the wall. Carefully, using the Magnesia powder I collected (I have two little pots now), I climbed the bars and was extra careful not to get hit by those sharp spinny wheel things. I landed on a platform with an unpressable red button. The green button I had to press was on another platform far off. I had to climb again to get to it. Luckily there were no more of those sharp spinny wheel things and Magnesia powder does not run out too quickly. I landed on that far-off platform and jumped onto the green button. The rotating stone bridge rotated to the right direction, connected us from one platform to another, and we could cross it.

Obelix and I then pushed a big stone out of the way, passed through a big door, and entered Doctormabus’ laboratory. We saw the evil wizard messing about with some things on a table. “Doctormabus!” I cried. “A word with you, if we may?”

“You’ll never stop me!” he sneered, and smashed a bottle of whatever substance he was holding onto the ground. A puff of thick white smoke came out and covered everything. It covered the whole room. I couldn’t see where I was going, where our enemy was moving or what’s in front of me. I couldn’t even see my own fingers when I held them out! Someone must have bumped into Obelix and said “sorry”. Obelix thought it was me, but it wasn’t. It must have been our villain, Doctormabus.

Anyway, we followed the sound of Doctormabus’ footsteps and bumps and crashes out from his lab and deeper into his lair. We saw him jump onto something above the smoke while mocking us. “Haha! You’ll never catch me!” But then the fog lifted and he realised he was standing on no ground. He fell down and I saw him see stars. I hurried Obelix to run up and catch up to him.

But Doctormabus was small and fast. He managed to get away, but not before leaving a bid mess behind in his lair to slow us down. “Stupid Gaulish fools. Did you think you can catch up with the great Doctormabus? Nice to never see you again, Gauls,” he sneered, and laughed his stupid evil laugh.

Obelix and I scratched our heads trying to figure out what next. We’ve got to get out of his lair, and fast! Dogmatix was barking at some spot so we followed him there and got started on our way out. First, Obelix pushed a big stone block to some stairs so that I could reach the stairs and climb up. Then, following Dogmatix’s barking, Obelix stood on a platform that could rise and fall with the push of a button. From the top of the stairs, I stood on the button and the platform and Obelix went up. He pushed another block of stone to fall onto a button below and a concrete platform came out from the walk and we could now walk across it.

Then we followed Dogmatix’s barks again into a cable car in the lair. Obelix pulled me and crossed that concrete platform until I reached an enclosed space with a music box. I hit the box and realised Obelix would have to play this musical sequence solo as I could not leave the enclosed space yet. But no worries. Obelix was happy with the “encore” he got from the Romans earlier and was happy to play them a little drum solo for a “Concerto in Bash Major”.

And after the colourful concerto (applause, applause!), a big door opened and we finally got to get out of that dark, dusty, gloomy lair, by Toutatis!

Asterix.


	8. On the Hunt for Doctormabus

50BC, Olympia, Late Evening & Night — On the Hunt for Doctormabus

“Look, Asterix. Pigeons!” was the first thing Obelix said when we got out. “We don’t have time, Obelix,” I told him and he said “Never fear, pigeon pals. We’ll be back to free you!” So we chased after Doctormabus and we caught up with Lovestorix back in the Olympic Village. Lovestorix had seen Doctormabus mount a chariot and ride off and we had to catch up with him. I asked our friend if we could borrow his chariot but he said “Oh, hard cheese. I haven't finished fixing it yet.”

“So that’s that, then,” I said.

“Wait!” Lovestorix had an idea. Instead of a chariot, we could just use one of the carts outside the village and we just have to saddle up the horses. Excellent idea, Lovestorix!

We went outside and saw a stubborn lot of Romans hanging around. We had to defeat them all before time ran out and we can use the carts. We used the Super Whip (that we purchased from a Greek merchant), the Power Hammer Combo (also purchased and unlocked), and the Roman Rainstorm to eliminate the Romans at lightning speed. Oh, let’s not forget to mention how well-trained Dogmatix is! Whenever Obelix calls him, Dogmatix would run and bite the bottom of an approaching Roman and send him flying off into space. That takes care of one of our XXX Roman problems just like that. Good dog!

Finally all the Romans were done with and we got to the carts. Right before time ran out, we got rid of the last Roman and saddled up the horses. We rode after Doctormabus’ chariot. Obelix offered to take the lead in steering the horses. I figured it’s about time he takes in some REAL sport plus catch a bad guy while he’s at it. Hey, we’re in Olympia, after all!

Night had fallen by the time we began the chase by cart-chariot. The chase wasn’t really a picnic. There were a lot of obstacles down the road and whenever our cart-chariot or Doctormabus’ chariot runs into any of them it gets closer to breaking down and throwing us off-course. We slammed our chariot into Doctormabus’ and steered him into the obstacles whenever we could but our cart-chariot didn’t exactly come out of the track in pristine condition either. We eventually managed to put Doctormabus out of commission as his chariot crashed and tumbled over a rock and he was thrown forward to…… Getafix’s feet. He was standing with three other druids. “I say, thanks for dropping by,” our druid greeted him.

We caught up with the wizard. I went and grabbed him. “Give us the key,” I threatened, “or I’ll let Obelix take care of you.” “Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes!” Obelix cried like he couldn’t wait. But Doctormabus objected. “I don’t have it. It’s Brutus who has the key now.”

“BRUTUS?!” we all screamed.

“Yes, Brutus. He forced me to give him the key. He’s the one who opens the portals, not me! He’s off his chariot. He uses the key to —”

And suddenly Doctormabus started having spasms. He looked the same, and suddenly, not the same. Different images of his face flashed by, one looking more distorted than the previous, again and again. “Hold him down,” one of the druids with Getafix said. “We have the calm his spasms and move him.”

Nobody knew what was happening to Doctormabus but I suspect it had something to do with the inter-dimensional key that Brutus now has.

“We must hurry, Asterix,” Getafix warned. “In no time the world will become as deranged as Doctormabus. And reality will frolic like a new-born lamb. Brutus must be stopped, and fast!”

“You heart that, Obelix? We’re off to Brutus’ quarters back in Olympia the next morning. It’s high time we pay him a little visit……”

“Brutus’ quarters are only accessible to athletes who have won the qualifying rounds,” Getafix explained. “You’ll have to perform like wild things, my friends.”

And that’s the end of a most eventful day for us. Gotta hit the sack now — need a good night’s sleep to win the Qualifying Rounds tomorrow. May Toutatis bless the best Gaul to win!

Asterix.


	9. The Next Morning

50BC, Olympia, Morning — The Next Morning

Obelix was right: nothing like a good breakfast to help get the day off to a good start. Nothing like good food to keep him in good spirits either! Good food and good spirits are just what we need to win the Qualifying Rounds today, to access Brutus’s quarters. There are III events this round: Toadball, King of the Arena and Hammer Throwing.

Toadball was relatively easy. Just kick the balls over the net to your opponent’s side and finish the game with fewer toads on your side. The background music that played during this event — catchy yet tuneful — was what kept me going. If only Cacofonix was here to listen to it. He’ll know he won’t have to try so hard to compose a good tune for the Olympics. Nevertheless, I won this event.

King of the Arena. I let Lovestorix handle this event and wear the crown this time. We bought all the bashes we could afford at the merchants with Roman Helmets we’ve collected and made our feeble friend combat-ready. He needs to learn how to fight those Romans to protect himself and his chariot, by Toutatis, and this event was perfect for him to brush up on his self-defense skills. And he won! Obelix and I felt like proud little teachers and masters of combat. Dogmatix, too, no doubt.

Last one was Hammer Throwing. The hammer didn’t feel too heavy for a Gaul like me, but throwing it as straight as possible at the needle proved w bit of a challenge. But no challenge is too hard for a Gaul! Before I knew it, I emerged champion again. We have officially earned our pass to Brutus’s quarters!

Outside the stadium an Olympic official came and congratulated us and told us that Brutus’s quarters are in the V.I.P. zone. All we have to do is climb the highest podium near the palestra at the crossroads to access it. So on our way we went! 

Just in time, Lovestorix had also fixed his chariot within the time-span of just ONE event (Hammer Throwing). It looked beautiful and so pretty. I’m really proud of all the progress he has made as an athlete, a fighter, and an all-rounded Gaul. Just one or two more adjustments to his chariot, and he’ll be ready for the Chariot Race event.

At the big gate with the three torches, that black smoke from Gluteus Maximus in the forest and in Doctormabus’ lair blocked the way through. So Obelix and I had to construct another way — a bridge — across by kicking more toadballs into a far-off target. My Olympic Toadball experience came in handy. But in my opinion this game will never go far or take off back in Gaul. It’s redundant unless it’s just for sport.

We crossed the bridge and made it to the crossroads. There, we once again silenced Silencus and his legionaries. We climbed up the podium and entered the V.I.P. zone. “Where are the peas and eyes?” Obelix asked. I don’t think he gets it.

We bumped into Sam Schieffer. He said he’s got very big news about Brutus and for that every Roman in the empire was after him. He couldn’t stay long enough to chat, so we didn’t manage to find out what the news was. He told us to meet him in Brutus’ quarters — where we were headed to anyway.

The Olympic official earlier came in and welcomed us into the V.I.P. zone. He said all that’s left to do is win the Grand Final Rounds and we’ll be eligible to participate in the Chariot Race (and mayne win the hand of the beautiful Princess Irina, but that’s Lovestorix’s concern, not mine or Obelix’s). A guard was seen missing from his post atop the gate to the Chariot Race stadium. I wonder where he’s gone off to?

We continued on our way and saw some Romans next to some bars and bridges. The scoundrels — they damaged the bars and retracted the bridges and cut the way off. We jumped into action. Obelix kept the Romans away from me while I worked (and paid) to fix the bars. I thought it was the bars that controlled the bridges but I was wrong — it was the targets, not the bars. The bars controlled the targets which then controlled the bridges. As soon as I fixed the bar a target appeared. Obelix went and attacked the Romans who dared approach the bar to destroy it again, and I quickly K.O.ed some Romans, grabbed them, and tossed them into the target until it’s full.

The first bridge came out. On to the second one. I whomped the Roman guarding the second bar and fixed it. Another target appeared, but there was a fence in the way this time — it was harder to reach. So here’s what we did: after we grabbed a Roman, we jumped and launched him into the air so he’d pass over the fence and hit the target. We filled up the target and the second bridge came out. And we could cross to the other side.

Asterix.


	10. Desperately Seeking Brutus

50BC, Olympia, Afternoon — Desperately Seeking Brutus

It’s the lap of luxury around here in this area: the city. Lots of buildings everywhere but none of them as grand as Brutus’ apartment, I bet.

I thought after all that running around, bashing Romans, chasing after an evil wizard taking part in the games, fixing bars and throwing Romans at targets…… we could have a break. But I guess there’s no rest for the heroic. So off we go!

The first Roman we saw across a bridge was Silencus. He mumbled and mmmm-ed some orders at a legionary who then destroyed another bar on top of a flat. The bridge retracted. Argh! Not again! So using a Greek athlete squished underneath some stone blocks (we had to move the poor thing over to a spot near the flat), we got on top of the flat and knocked the leginary out! Then I went and fixed the bar and the bridge was back. 

We crossed the bridge to get to Silencus, but suddenly a gate went up in front of him and blocked our way again. Two more Romans came out and stood on some slabs on both sides of Silencus, acting as guards. Silencus then began to mock us. “M-m-m-m-m! M-m-m-m-m!” he mumbled. He may not have a tongue but I wanted to grab him and make him lick my shoes at that moment. The nerve of mocking a Gaul!

I saw that there was grating in front of Silencus and the two Romans so they were practically shielded from any other Romans that we may try to throw at them. We had to think of another way to get to them. Then Obelix suddenly came in with one of his bright ideas (he may not be the brightest kid back in school, but he does surprise me sometimes!). “Why don’t we just use the Roman Rainstorm?” he suggested. “You’re right, Obelix!” I said. “Using the Roman Rainstorm, we’ll be able to hit the guards. Let’s go!”

Here’s how the Roman Rainstorm works: after you K.O. a Roman, you grab him by the collar, then you send him up skyward and he stays there until it’s time for him to come down. You can send up as many Romans as you like. They’ll cruise through the clouds until their mission’s complete. You can then call them down. First, you must find them a nice place to land. On top of other Romans seem pretty suitable. Basically, the Roman Rainstorm is sending Romans up into the sky and then bringing them down like missiles on top of other Romans on the ground. A great way to take care of them with the most minimal amount of moves!

There were some more Romans nearby, other than Silencus and his two guards. I jumped up onto a bench, then onto a fountain, then onto a higher platform and went into a small Asterix-sized gate and stood on a slab there. A gate opened and Obelix went through. He sent Romans up into the sky from there. Obelix gets so thrilled and gleeful when it comes to dealing with Romans. I had to remind him to not go on bashing them mindlessly but send them up into the sky instead.

Which was exactly what he did, the good boy (the Roman Rainstorm was HIS idea after all). He then came out of the big gate and stood in front of the bridge. The big grill gate in front of Silencus was the only thing preventing my friend from touching him. Obelix then sent down his 25 Romans (I counted) onto Silencus and his guards. Silencus was defeated. So it was just the two guards to go!

Obelix came back and sent 10 more Romans up into the sky again. He then sent them down onto the first guard. Defeated, yes! Another 10 more Romans skyward, and he sent them down onto the second guard. With no more Romans standing on the slabs, the gate went down and we were free to continue our way!

I rode another cable car and Obelix pulled, I jumped onto a large slab and a big door opened. Pretty interesting contraptions, these Greeks invented. With the cable cars they’ll need a small person to ride it and a big, strong guy to pull it every time they want to open a door or access a place. A big and a little guy must probably follow them around everywhere they go, it seems (or are these places designed and customised specifically just for me and Obelix? Guess we’ll never know!).

We saw the door leading to Brutus’ apartment. We’re nearly there! When we got into the area the first thing we did was pile a block of stone up onto a marble pillar. Then we found another block of stone and pushed down and next to the pillar. Then I climbed up the pillar and onto a platform and climbed some walls. I landed on another platform with a music box on it. I hit the music box and Toutatis, sweet Toutatis, it was time for another round of Concerto in Bash Major. After we finished the musical sequence and the dreadful music stopped playing (phew) Obelix and I went up into this villa and into another cable car. While pulling, some Romans approached Obelix but Dogmatix quickly bit them all out of the way. Good dog, good dog. He really is a smart dog, I must say.

I landed next to another cable car and noticed that there was a shortage of Blue Romans in this area that needed to be thrown into a Blue Target nearby. Obelix and I immediately began some “sustainable walloping” where we “properly distribute resources from one area to another”. Obelix grabbed a Blue Roman and twirled him above his head, then he tossed the Roman to me, high up to my area. Then I picked up that Roman and threw him into the Blue Target. Very sustainable walloping plan, indeed. We repeated this “Roman-passing” act until the Blue Target was full, then we moved on to the next target. 

I climbed into the cable car and Obelix pulled me until I got onto the roof of another building. I saw a Red Target and hollered at Obelix to pass to me Red Romans this time. I filled up the Red Target (took me IV Romans as opposed to III for the Blue Target) and the door to Brutus’ apartment opened! Victory, by Toutatis! We did it!

Asterix.


	11. The Underground

50BC, Olympia, Evening & (probably) Night — The Underground

We walked into Brutus’ quarters and the first thing I saw was Sam Schieffer all tied up and gagged. “Hits ha hraaaaap!” he screamed. What? I removed his gag and he said “It’s a traaaap! It’s not like it’s tricky.”

Suddenly the whole building exploded and collapsed. The ground gave way beneath our feet. We were all falling, falling and falling until we landed on some concrete down there somewhere. Big slab of concrete was about to land on top of me and Sam until I noticed Obelix and Dogmatix next to us. My big strong friend had saved us once again from falling clumps of building material. We were in the underground, and Brutus had set up a trap just for us. He certainly wasn’t being very stingy, was he?

Sam Schieffer explained everything. Brutus had been using the inter-dimensional key to build a gigantic inter-dimensional army! He goes from world to world to recruit Romans into his troops. He absolutely must be stopped! We were underground, but we’ve got to try and stop him somehow. “Aha! One hieroglyph,” said Sam Schieffer, posing like one, and he disappeared.

I jumped onto some concrete and stepped on a slab. Some platforms in the wall came out. Obelix jumped onto the platforms and climbed until he was at a target in the wall. Behind the orange square slab I stood on was a toadball dispenser. I kicked it and a toadball came out. I passed it to Obelix and he kicked it into the target. I passed another and he kicked it in as well. I passed the third one and he kicked it in. A rectangular stone platform was activated and emerged out of the ground. 

Obelix then followed Dogmatix’s barkings and climbed higher. He stood on another slab. I reached the rectangular stone platform and began climbing the walls by the bars above me. Every time I came across a missing bar in the wall, I would let out a whistle and Obelix would step on or step off the slab and the missing bar would appear, coming out of the wall. I never knew even a SOLO activity such as climbing walls would take TEAMWORK until this point of our adventure. I repeated this whistling and climbing until I reached the top, and pulled on another bar until all the bars and platforms in the walls came out, and we didn’t have to stand on slabs to activate them anymore.

I was happy to be reunited with my best friends at last. He was happy to see me, too. “Do you think we’ll have anymore tricky bits like that?” he asked. “I don’t know,” I said, “but I think we better hurry to the surface.” It was getting dark outside, above ground. I could feel it. Obelix and I could spend the night and sleep here, where it’s safe, for now. But it was too musty and we were too eager to get back to the surface to even actually take a nap. So we went and made our way out of this dep subterranean mess instead.

Obelix jumped onto a slab with some vases nearby. I crossed over to the other side when a platform came out of the wall (another tricky bit? We’ll deal with it!). I then climbed the wall and reached a bar and I pulled on it and a bridge came out. I then slid down and took Obelix’s position on the slab.

Obelix went across the platform and stood on another slab, and a bar in the wall above me came out. I got off the first slab and began climbing the wall. I reached the top and called for Obelix on the other side of the bridge. He came over and we gave each other a high-five. We have gotten past the second tricky bit of the underground! Now for the last one.

In front of us was a gate. We stood on the slabs before it and the gate opened. We went and Obelix stood on another slab. It suddenly got darker in the cave and some concrete platforms came out from the walls, forming a bridge across a giant chasm. Those golden spiny wheel things (ulp!) that I saw in Doctormabus’ lair earlier? They started spinning and coming out, too, in between each section of the bridge. Two rows of torches lit up on each wall on each side of the chasm. And one by one, they started to go out. “It looks like a countdown,” I mentioned. “No time to lose!”

Carefully, I crossed the bridge above the chasm. I made real sure to stay in between the spaces on the bridge so that the spinny wheel things don’t touch me. REAL careful, I was. We were far too deep into our adventure for me or Obelix to die right now. I could feel him sweating and shaking and not able to move from his place on the slab. “I got this, Obelix!” I hollered at him, just as a wheel thingy spun past in front of me and nearly cut a hair off my moustache.

Carefully, after the wheel went past to the other side, I crossed the section of the bridge to another section. And again to another section after two wheels came up and went back down from the bottom. I made it past the bridge (WHEW!) and went into a small gate and grabbed the bar inside and pulled it down until it was set. The spinny wheel things stopped spinning and died down inside the walls. The concrete bridge fully covered the chasm so that Obelix and Dogmatix could cross, too. And all the torches stopped burning. The countdown was over, and I had made it before it ended! It was over.

I flopped down in exhaustion and I saw Obelix and Dogmatix rush to my side. I made it. The worst was over.

“Come on, Asterix! No sleeping now! We have to get back to the surface!” Obelix nudged me.

Asterix.


	12. Facing Brutus

50BC, Olympia, Morning — Facing Brutus

When the sunlight hit us when we walked out of the cave, we soaked it up. We had spent the whole night in the dark, musty, dangerous underground and it was already the next day when we got out. We found ourselves in some sort of Greek Bath. The water was hot and fresh and we felt the steam hit our face and enter our noses. Ah, nothing like a good, warm bath after a life-or-death trek underground. I was beginning to imagine soaking up the water in just my shorts, and then taking a nap back in Gaul after this whole Olympic Games thing is over……

“Yo, Gaul! So the yokels came to the big city and got lost, did we? Blebleblebleblebleble! Heheheh……” An annoying voice interrupted my peaceful reverie. It was a Roman in red uniform, teasing us from where he stood, on a platform above us.”

“But… that Roman is crazy!” Obelix said. “Just step over here and see if you can still fleblebleblebleble!” he threatened. He had not even had breakfast yet but he’s already keen on making this condescending soldier see some well-deserving stars. “Hold on, Obelix,” I said. “It will do him good to wait.”

The Roman kept mocking us. “Heheheh! So, how does it feel like being in the city? Must be a nice change from your dung heap forest, eh?” 

“Ooohh, he’s getting on my nerves.” The Roman in red was really making me see red now.

“Here you go so that you don’t feel too homesick.” The Roman turned around and started petting his butt at us, making a reference to the dung he mentioned in our lovely forest. “I’ve got a nice little postcard from home! Look at those lovely valleys……”

“Asterix, I’m going to crack. I swear I am.” Obelix was REALLY eager to get a hold of that Roman now. Dogmatix was growling at him, too. I told my friends to just ignore him and carry on our way and hold our Gaulish heads up high but suddenly music came on. We went around the baths and saw another music box. Now Greek music boxes can play music without us hitting them now? Great.

We slapped the thing and the ugly doll and hammer came out. Time to play another musical sequence. They say music calms the soul. I hoped that by the end of that sequence the Roman in red would be very calm by then and stop insulting us innocent Gauls. These Romans are getting crazier, I decided. Their culture certainly IS getting more and more decadent!

We played the musical sequence but we needed to hit a red note at the end. Obelix wanted to get back at the red Roman so he grabbed a plain-coloured Roman and threw it at him. “Right. Enough of that,” I heard the red Roman say. “I’m coming down!” Right as he came down Obelix was already waiting for him. Obelix walloped the Roman so hard he flew out of the building and into the ocean. For a legionary with such a big mouth he was so…… easily defeated. But I did not feel sorry for him. Way to go, Obelix!

Hitting that red Roman, we have completed the musical sequence. The music stopped playing, the music box self-destructed, and it was blessed silence once again.

Now time for our relaxing Greek bath!

After our bath and we had put on our clothes, we went outside and pushed away a giant block of stone. It almost landed on Lovestorix, our friend. We were back in the V.I.P. zone. “What were you thinking?” he shouted at us. “You’re here. I was so afraid something had happened to you.” 

“Oh, we had one or two hold-ups, y’know…” I began. “The usual,” Obelix said. Just the usual stuff, Lovestorix. Nothing to worry about……

“We have to stop Brutus and quick!” Lovestorix announced. 

“That’s just what we intend to do!” I said.

“He’s at the chariot race.”

“Yes, we know. And it’ll be a riot, Obelix commented.”

“But do you realise that if Brutus wins the race, I’ll lose Irina forever.”

The thought of Brutus parading into the Olympic stadium and announcing what a great man he was crossed my mind. Ugh! What a foul fellow that one is!

“And that’s why we’re getting into the stadium as soon as we can,” I assured our love-struck friend. “There are two slabs that control the door to the stadium, and it looks like one guard is missing,” I observed. “He’s not back yet?” Obelix asked. “Where did he go?” 

“It looks like we’re going to have to reach that slab to open the door,” I said. “But that slab looks like it can’t be activated yet. I know just what we need to do. Let’s go!” And my friends followed me out of the V.I.P. zone.

We headed back to the Olympic village. We had to play and excel in the Grand Final Rounds of the games if we were going to get that slab activatable. We reached the Olympic village and I talked to the Greek official. There are two games in this stage: Javelin and the Romanophone.

I let Lovestorix play the Javelin. After climbing out of the underground, bashing up Romans and taking a Greek bath I thought Obelix and I deserved some rest, and Lovestorix deserved some good sporting warm-up before the Chariot Race. I watched from the stands as Lovestorix did some warm up combos and picked up the Javelin stick and ran and threw it into the air, without crossing the penalty line. The Javelin flew through some clouds and landed far away from Lovestorix. The crowd went wild! Lovestorix did this two more times, and he emerged champion of the Javelin event. Way to go, my friend! Way to go!

Then Lovestorix also offered to participate in the Romanophone. I feel he is really getting into the sport — as he should so that he could impress Princess Itina at the chariot race! The music didn’t sound half as bad when Lovestorix was playing it, hitting those Roman notes colour after colour. As Obelix hopped and clapped along and Dogmatix barked excitedly, I hoped that the condescending, insulting Red Roman that we had walloped earlier had landed here in the Olympic stadium (instead of the ocean) so that he could be walloped by a Gaul a second time.

Lovestorix emerged champion in both events and his morale and sportsmanship spirit was as high as ever! He talked non-stop about winning the chariot race and marrying Princess Irina on our way back to the V.I.P. zone. His courage had also taken quite a boost as we bumped into Silencus and his men again just outside the zone, at the crossroads. Lovestorix offered to batter them for us, and batter them all he did, leaving Silencus scared and running for his life! Ha, that’s what you Romans get for trying to tease, mock, or mess with us Gauls! Lovestorix had grown, in just a few days, from a Gaul whose chariot was destroyed by the Romans to a Gaul with a fully-fixed chariot and ready to take on the Romans at the drop of a hat! Now THAT’S character development!

Back at the V.I.P. zone, Obelix and I got back to work. Using the head of Caesar’s broken statue, I climbed onto a cable car and Obelix pulled me. He used Caesar’s head again to climb onto some buildings. He pulled and pulled me through the buildings until he got to where the Greek athletes were standing, or should I say, to where they’re being squished under the piles of orange stone blocks they were carrying strapped together. Obelix moved them to form some sort of bridge to the other side and he crossed, rope of the cable car in his hand. He then led me closer to the slab and I jumped off the cable car, and grabbed onto anbar on the wall. I climbed up to the slab and stood on it. The Greek guard stood on his, too, and the door to the Chariot Race stadium opened!

Obelix, Dogmatix, Getafix and I went in. Lovestorix rode in on his chariot up to the starting point. We all saw that vile Brutus pracing there in front of Princess Irina. He shouted with shock when he saw us Gauls enter. The rest of us made our way to the stands to watch Lovestorix kill it at this event. The chariot went under starter’s orders and then took off when the flag was waved and the counter went to zero.

Lovestorix was in the lead, but Brutus was up close behind. They were ahead of the other competitors. Brutus rammed his chariot into Lovestorix’s and made it skid and spark at the sides. With all his might, Lovestorix steered his horses and moved his chariot away from and then ahead of Brutus. Brutus was getting angry. He wanted the glory all for himself and himself only. He also wanted Lovestorix out of the way and the princess AND the empire all for himself. He kept on trying to put Lovestorix out of commission. Lovestorix, cleverly, managed to steer Brutus into all sorts of obstacles on track until it was Brutus who was out of commission. Brutus’ chariot disconnected from the horses and overturned in the sand, and he was thrown off from it. He landed in the dirt with a loud thud. “Ooooooooh!” went the astonished crowd, as Lovestorix’s chariot galloped past in the distance and was the first to cross the finish line.

“And it’s the Gaulish chariot that romps home in the chariot race! Congratulations and well done, Gaul! Splendid show!” the commentator announced and the crowd went wild. “Yeeeah, go Lovestorix! Long live Gaul!” we cheered from the grounds of the stadium as well. We cheered like we never cheered before. Lovestorix has won the chariot race! And now he can go marry the woman of his dreams and become the next king of Greece, probably? (Who knows? I’m just saying!) “Thank you, my friends,” Lovestorix came over and spoke to us. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

All felt good for a second. But where there is Light bursting there is also Darkness creeping. From afar in the stadium I could see Brutus plotting and planning and scheming something but I don’t know what. Then all of a sudden he pulled out a sword and began marching towards us! I looked at Obelix to see if he noticed and fortunately, he did. He passed Dogmatix to me and ran off in Brutus’ direction. Just as he was about to knock some sense into Brutus, Getafix ran by. “Obelix, wait!” he yelled. “We have to retrieve the inter-dimensional key—” And then I screamed. “No, Obelix!”

Too late. Obelix smacked Brutus off to who-knows-where. “We weren’t supposed to send him to the moon! Who’s to say where he’s going to land?” I scolded Obelix. “Me! Using my Spank-a-Roman Theory,” Obelix said. What? “You must be referring to the Pythagorean Theory, of the Greek scholar. Aren’t you, Obelix?” Getafix asked. “No. I mean my Spank-a-Roman Theory. MY Theory. I invented it myself. Look.” And Obelix began explaining his theory and how using Mathematics will help determine where a Roman would land after he spanked him. Obelix came to the conclusion that Brutus had landed at the three red cypress trees outside Doctormabus’ lair. “Over there!” he pointed. We turned and sure enough we saw Brutus fall from the sky and land there. We got there quickly like zippy-zoom! We have to get there in time to retrieve a key, after all!

Obelix’s theory turned out to be accurate. Brutus, all decked out in full Roman uniform, had landed there and was marching up to King Samagas’ palace. He had also laid a welcoming committee for us. Romans were everywhere. One of them was standing on the slab that controls the door blocking the way to the palace. “Another slab, another cable car,” I told Obelix. And we got to work again.

I climbed up onto the cable car and Obelix pulled, avoiding the Romans (do your thing again, Dogmatix!) and the black smokey stuff in our way. I reached the slab and bashed the Roman out of the way and the slab unlocked itself and the door opened. We marched up to Samagas’ palace, preparing ourselves for any more nasty surprises Brutus might throw our way.

We bumped into another Olympic official. He was sweating and panting from running all the way here from the Olympic Village. He probably took a shortcut somewhere. “The… Olympic team would like to give you a good offer… in exchange for all your Roman Helmets,” he panted. “A knock-down deal in every sense? Let’s see,” I asked. It was the Twister combo. We accepted the offer immediately. Brutus may have his gigantic inter-dimensional army waiting for us already.

We found Brutus in an area full of long grass. I asked Brutus to give us the key if he knows what’s good for him. “You mean this key? I’d love to give it to you. But alas, I still need it to conquer the world. Hahahahahahahaha!” I told him he was liable to be walloped imminently. The arrogant wannabe-emperor sent all his Romans into the grassy field. Legionaries came in from all directions — I million in total — and surrounded us. “This… I… Oh dear, Obelix. This time we are in quite a pickle,” I whispered to Obelix. “I have never seen so many Romans! It’s… it’s…” “The most beautiful day of my life!” Obelix exclaimed. 

I drank some magic potion and activated the Twister immediately. Every round of the Twister we pulled off consumed hundreds and thousands of Romans. It took us about VI to VII rounds of the Twister (plus some regular hand-combat and old-fashioned bashing) to completely wipe out Brutus’ army. After we defeated the last Roman, we went and confronted Brutus, who was standing there in the grass with the key, all alone and unprotected.

“B-back off, Gaul! I’m warning you — if you dare touch me I’ll—” “You’ll what?” Obelix asked. “...I’ll tell my dad!” Who? His very father Julius Caesar who he tried to kill? We laughed. What courage, this little chap. “Right. The key,” I asked him again, politely this time. Brutus said he lost it. “Obelix……” that was my final warning before he gets walloped imminently like I promised him. Brutus finally, shaking in fear, gave me the key and said there’s no need to get excited ‘cause we’re not animals. “Let’s see,” I said, and gave him an upper cut and knocked him sky-high anyway. I turned to Obelix. “Taking your theory into practice, he’ll be landing where?”

“Hmmm……,” Obelix began. “All things considered, bent over Caesar’s lap for the spanking of his lifetime!” And we all laughed again.

Asterix.


	13. Back in the Gaulish Village

50BC, Gaul, Evening — Back in the Gaulish Village

So that concludes our adventure in Olympia, Greece! It was around noon in Gaulish time when we came back to the village and almost dinner time now as I finish my written account of my adventure.

While I was writing, Getafix came in and took a peek at what I was doing. He still doesn’t get the point of me writing about my experiences and stated again that word-of-mouth is the true Gaulish way of passing down a message, story, recipe or tradition. The traditional way is important to our culture, he reminded. I just acknowledged that yes, tradition and the traditional way is important. But there’s nothing wrong with exploring or experimenting with a new way of doing things as long as it does not interfere with others’ liberty to do things their way and also as long as (in this case) and commit to it. Getafix praised my willingness to try out new things but warned me to not forget the Gaulish way of doing things. I saw him out of my house and told him I’ll see him at the celebratory banquet tonight.

Obelix can’t wait to dig into some Classic Gaulish Roasted Boar after being deprived of it for DAYS. He has already gone out to help hunt for the banquet. Dogmatix, too, with his Classic Gaulish Roasted Boar Bones. Obelix also can’t wait to tell the other Gauls about our adventure in Greece and Olympia, including the part about where they have music boxes that sound worse than our bard (sorry, Cacofonix! But at least you’ll know that you’re doing better than at least one thing in the world now. If you’re quiet enough we’ll let you eat at the banquet or we’ll have to tie you up and gag you as usual).

Me? What can I NOT wait for? Well, I can’t wait to just have the day be over and call it a day and take a nice nap back in the comfort and safety of my hut. It’s been a long, weary trip TO Greece and IN Greece. The Olympic Games and Romans and evil wizards and Brutus had us beat! So yes, just gimme a nice, long rest at home.

I asked Getafix what had become of Doctormabus and he said he doesn’t know. I asked the druid where he put the key and he said “Oh, worry not! It’s in a safe place……” That put my mind at rest. But I sure hope he didn’t put it in a Greek music box, haha! Those things self-destruct too easily and we’ll end up making a song and dance about where to hide the key again.

So life returns to normal again for us Gauls back in Gaul. Some mild jet lag aside, it’s good to be back feasting and making mert after all the sport and fighting. Return to Olympia for more sport and fighting? We’ll see!

Asterix.

THE END!


End file.
